The Waiting Room

I have been happier lately. I don't feel like the darkness is consuming me. I just feel like I am sitting in a waiting room, but I'm not quite sure what I'm waiting for. But I am happy. I don't really care why I am waiting and what I'm waiting for. I don't mind the waiting to be honest. It gives me time to think about life and where I am and how far I have come. It gives me time to decide what I really am waiting for. Am I waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet? Am I waiting for someone to come around?Am I waiting for clarity in the direction I should take my life? I have all of these things I could be waiting for bouncing around in my head. Most of the time I think I am waiting for all of them and that makes the waiting hard. If I could just decide on what I'm waiting for the waiting would be easy. I could set my mind on it and never question why I am there. 
I was thinking about all of these things as I sat in sacrament on Sunday. I couldn't decide what I really wanted from life. I also had this notion in my head that God decides everything I do in my life and I just have to wait for him to tell me what to do. I think that was the darkness consuming me before. I kept asking what to do and I never got a reply. I was getting frustrated with my Heavenly Father because I wanted to move forward and I thought I needed his permission to do so. As sacrament went on I got more frustrated and I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to be there. I had rushed out the door because I wanted to be there to get my answers and they never came. I was ready to give up. 
I tried everything to get my mom to let me go home. She reminded me that I needed to help a teacher in primary. As I walked to the primary room Sister Carter told came up to me and told me that her daughter was there and so she didn't need me that day. I told my mom and said I was going home. She told me no and to go see if Morgan was at church yet. I went to find her in her Sunday school class but she wasn't there. One of my best friends was in there with his cousin because she didn't want to go alone where she was a visitor. He asked me to stay in the class with him and so reluctantly I did. 
That was the best decision I could have made. The lesson given was just want I needed to hear. It changed my whole way of thinking. The lesson was about goals because of the new year. It wasn't really the whole lesson that changed way of thinking. It was actually more of one sentence that was said and briefly discussed. Heavenly Father doesn't care what you decide to do with your life, He only cares about how you are doing it. They were talking about deciding on careers and worrying about trivial things that don't really matter in the long run. It was amazing. I had to hold back my tears. It was life changing. I can decided for myself what I want to do. I don't need to be told what to do with my life. I decide. The only thing that really matters is HOW I do it. As long as I do it righteously, Heavenly Father will support me 100% As long as it doesn't take away from the spirit or the church Heavenly Father will support me 100% 
I never thought one sentence could change your life, but that one did. I was instantly happier. It was like the darkness and all the weight on my shoulders lifted. I could breath again. I can do what makes me happy, what I want to do. I can go where ever I want, be with whom ever I want to be with. And the best part is I will have 100% support from my Heavenly Father. Now I just need to actually decide those things. But that is what this waiting room I am in is for. This is my waiting room. I get to decide what I am waiting for. I only have to wait for myself to decide now. 
Don't get me wrong, Heavenly Father cares about each and everyone of us. He loves us and only wants us to be happy and be the best we can be. But he doesn't care what career I choose or which school I go to. He doesn't care where I live. He doesn't care about all the things that have kept me up at night like I had thought. I thought I had no say in my life. That it was already planned out for me and I just had to figure out where to go. Turns out I have every say in my life. It is MY LIFE. I get to choose where it goes.
I have been so much happier lately. I have taken control of my life. I have fought the war inside my head and won. It isn't perfect yet. I know I will still struggle with all the trivial things, but who doesn't? I can  now choose what I am waiting for and then the waiting will become easier. All because of one silly sentence.